So, I’m a 35-year-old guy, and I’ve always been close with my older sister, Emily (38F), and her daughter, Lily (22F). Emily had Lily when she was young (16), and since she was a single mom for most of it, I’ve always tried to help out where I could. Over the years, I’ve paid for Lily’s summer camps, her college applications, and even her first car. I did this because I love them both and always wanted to support them.
A year ago, Lily got engaged to her long-term boyfriend. When they announced the engagement at a family dinner, I said I’d be happy to help with wedding expenses. I never said I’d pay for everything, but apparently, my offer was interpreted as me footing the bill for the whole wedding. It became clear when Lily and Emily started planning a big, extravagant affair—destination wedding, 200+ guests, you name it.
I sat them down and said I’d contribute $15,000, which I thought was a pretty generous amount. But they both seemed really upset. Lily said I “promised” to pay for the wedding, and Emily backed her up, saying I “always supported them” and this was the least I could do. Apparently, they were expecting I’d cover a $50,000+ wedding. I told them that wasn’t happening. $15,000 was all I could give.
Now, here’s where things get worse. Lily and Emily stopped including me in the wedding planning entirely. I didn’t hear much from them for a while, and it turns out they booked everything for the wedding thinking I’d eventually cave and cover it. Now they’re in over their heads, and the wedding is just three months away. Emily called me, crying, saying they were going to lose deposits and that I “ruined” the wedding by not coming through. Lily isn’t speaking to me.
Here’s the kicker: Emily and Lily are now saying I’m being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom’s family. They claim they never would’ve planned something so extravagant if I hadn’t promised to cover it all.
But I never said that. I said I’d help. I feel like I’ve done more than enough over the years, but now I’m being treated like the villain for not paying for this giant wedding.
AITA?